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Mulla Nasrudin’s young wife, recently returned from her honeymoon, was complaining to her friend about her husband’s drinking habits. “If you knew he drank, why did you marry him?” her friend asked. “I DID NOT KNOW HE DRANK,” said Nasrudin’s wife, “UNTIL ONE NIGHT HE CAME HOME SOBER.”

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Mulla Nasrudin was drunk and at a football game was making such a nuisance of himself that the people around him threatened to call the police if he didn’t sit down and shut up. At that he shouted, “show me a policeman, and I will show you a dope.” The words were no sooner spoken than Nasrudin noticed a big six-foot policeman standing nearby who said: “I am a policeman.” “WONDERFUL!” said Nasrudin. “I AM A DOPE!”

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Mulla Nasrudin reported to the superintendent of the mental hospital and asked: “Have any of your male patients escaped lately?” “Why do you ask?” said the superintendent. “Because, ” said the Mulla, “SOMEONE HAS RUN OFF WITH MY WIFE.”

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Mulla Nasrudin was lying beside the wrecked car with a broken leg. He was being questioned by the highway patrolman. “Married?” asked the patrolman. “NO,” said Nasrudin. “THIS IS THE WORST MESS I HAVE EVER BEEN IN.”

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Mulla Nasrudin’s wife said to him at a buffet supper: “That’s the fifth time you have gone back for more fried chicken. Doesn’t it embarrass you?” “NOT AT ALL,” he said. “I KEEP TELLING THEM I AM GETTING IT FOR YOU.”

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A man said to his friend Mulla Nasrudin: “Who is the boss in your house?” “Well,” said Nasrudin, “my wife assumes command of the children, the servants, the dog and the parakeet. BUT I SAY PRETTY MUCH WHAT I PLEASE TO THE GOLDFISH.”

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Mulla Nasrudin was complaining about his wife to a friend. “I don’t know what I am going to do about her,” he said. “She has the worst memory in the world.” “You mean she forgets everything?” asked his friend. “HECK, NO,” said Nasrudin. “SHE REMEMBERS EVERYTHING.”

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