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Mulla Nasrudin was called in the election bribery case. “You say,” asked the judge, “that you were given $10 to vote for the Democrats, and you got another $10 to vote for the Republicans?” “Yes, Sir, Your Honour,” said the Mulla. “And how did you vote?” asked the judge. “YOUR HONOUR,” said Nasrudin, “I VOTED ACCORDING TO MY CONSCIENCE.”

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Mulla Nasrudin climbed into a barber’s chair and asked, “Where’s the barber who used to work on the next chair?” “Oh, that was a sad case,” the barber said. “He became so nervous and despondent over poor business, that one day when a customer said he didn’t want a massage, he went out of his mind and cut the customer’s throat with a razor. He is now in the state mental hospital. By the way, would you like a massage, Sir?” “ABSOLUTELY!” said Mulla Nasrudin.

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It was the ‘better part of town’ and the lady who came to the door said to Mulla Nasrudin: “I should think you would be ashamed to beg in this neighborhood.” “DON’T APOLOGIZE FOR IT, LADY,” said Nasrudin, “I HAVE SEEN WORSE.”

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“This sure is a lousy party,” a guest at a cocktail party said to Mulla Nasrudin, who was next to him. “I am going to finish this one and then get out of here.” “I WOULD TOO,” said Nasrudin, “BUT I HAVE GOT TO STAY. I AM THE HOST.”

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Mulla Nasrudin had just returned a sheaf of poems to the budding young poet. “Do you think it would help if I put more fire into my poetry, Sir?” the young man asked Nasrudin. “NO,” said the Mulla. “I WOULD RECOMMEND THE REVERSE.”

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A young lady went to old Mulla Nasrudin for advice. She said to the Mulla: “Should I marry a fellow who lies to me?” “YES, UNLESS YOU WANT TO REMAIN UNMARRIED FOREVER,” said Nasrudin.

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Mulla Nasrudin’s mule kicked his wife in the head and she died. A huge crowd turned out for the funeral, most of them men. The minister following the ceremonies, said: “This lady must have been very popular. Look at the large number of people who have left their work to come to her funeral.” “THEY ARE NOT HERE FOR THE FUNERAL,” said Nasrudin. “THEY ARE HERE TO BID ON THE MULE.”

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“That pain in your leg is caused by old age,” the doctor told Mulla Nasrudin. “That can’t be,” replied the Mulla. “THE OTHER LEG IS THE SAME AGE AND DOESN’T HURT A BIT.”

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Mulla Nasrudin’s wife woke him up one morning and said, “Honey, wake up. Today is our 42nd wedding anniversary. I think we ought to celebrate. What do you say we kill a chicken?” The Mulla looked at her and said, “WHY IN THE WORLD DO YOU WANT TO PUNISH A POOR CHICKEN FOR SOMETHING THAT HAPPENED 42 YEARS AGO?”

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